Hello friends! Nice to see you back after a long time! It feels nice to be back here. This period made me feel like a transformed individual, I must admit (or else what is the use of bluff used in MBA).
Well, what is going to follow is a small anecdote of my stay in City of Joy ! This is where I have been doing my summers - Kolkata ! But there are many startling things which have literally made my journey to this part of world ... damn memorable ! Here it goes ...
1. Are you a Bengali?
The very first and very important point for you (if you don't hail from Kolkata) is to make pretty sure that
(a) your name doesn't sound bengali. If it does, you are anyways finished, so no point pondering why I am telling this.
(b) you don't look like a bengali from your face. This can be easily confirmed from any of your bong friends. (Don't under-estimate this step)
(c) if you are combination of (a) & (b) - you are most welcome to my league :)
2. Hotels & Restaurants
There are certain interesting features of restaurants in Kolkata & specially rural side (Yes, I was fortunate enough to explore rural Bengal too !)
(a) It's all FISHY : Absolutely heaven for fish lovers. You can be very fortunate to find fish pieces in dal-rice (only vegetarian option sometimes) absolutely free of cost!
(b) If you are a strict vegetarian, then you have two options with you - (1) never reveal that to the outside world & get embarrassed .... you will start feeling guilty. (2) second option is straight forward - I will not mention it over here :)
(c) You should not even think of entering a seedha-saadha restaurant during lunch hour - you will find them all closed (All high profile restaurants are excluded in this observation). Because if you dare to do so, then you have forgotten one important norm: in noon time, it is lunch time for everyone ... including the restaurant folks and a nap is absolutely essential after having a lunch ! So sorry boss, we can't serve you !
3. Taxis
If you have/had a girlfriend, the behavior of taxi wallas in Kolkata is pretty much logical. If not, you better start searching for a bong gf over here (will speak about this in a special section)
Well, no deviation from the topic, I quote an experience over here:
Scene : Place-Ballygunje Phari, Time - 1 PM, Reason - Catch a Movie at 3.30 PM in INOX mall on Elgin Road, Distance/Time estimate - hardly 15 mins, Temperature/ Weather
update - Rained in the afternoon, was a pleasant noon, monsoon department predicts more showers & 3 taxis standing in row
Me to Taxi 1: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 1: (Getting up from sleep) - Nahi
Me: Kyu kya hua dada ... yahi pass to hain naa
Taxi 1: Paas hain to paidal kyu nahi chale jaate
Me: (Without a look of astonishment): Dada baarish hui hai naa ... paani me chalke nahi jaa sakte
Taxi 1: Paani me taxi bhi nahi chal sakta .... then some bangla dialogues ... and the gentleman finally goes back to sleep
Me to Taxi 2: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 2: Abhi nahi jaa sakta
Me: (I really didn't get the meaning of his 'abhi'. Whatever ... I continue my struggle) Arre chalo na dada ... return me sawari bhi mil jaegi aapko mall se
Taxi 2: looks at his 18th century watch & says ... dekho dada abhi hum khana khaya hai aur ab sona hai ... abhi nahi jaa sakta ... tum dusro taxi dekho
Me to Taxi 3: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 3: Elgin Road kaha pe hai?
Me: Aapko Ravindrasadan Mtro station pata hai naa?
Taxi 3: Nahi, aapko metro station jaana hai kya?
Me: Nahi, Forum Mall
Taxi 3: aapko rasta pata hai kya?
Me: (Getting excited) haan haan ... main dikha dunga
Taxi 3: Hhhmm ... (thinks for a while) ... nahi dada .... nahi jaa sakta
Me: kyu?
Taxi 3: Door hai bahot
Me: Lekin abhi to aap bole aapko pata nahi
Taxi 3: (No words spoken, just a nod indicating .... fuck u off)
So well, the experience still continues :)
(Next part - here - with special focus on bong babes & some special people called Maoists ... so keep watching this space)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sab Bhalo ! (Part 2)
Well this is continuance of what you might have read in part 1 (hopefully :P )
4. Bengal History
How can one forget the history learnt or forced to learn in one's school ! If you remember something of it, you will agree with me that the word 'Bengal' plays a very crucial role in it.
Now lets test your knowledge - what are the two distinctive eras as far as history of Bengal is concerned?
If your answer is (a) pre-renaissance & (b) post-renaissance, you are wrong !
If your answer is (a) pre-independence & (b) post-independence, you are wrong !
If your answer is (a) pre-Naxal-Bari & (b) post-Naxal-Bari, you are wrong !
Lastly if your answer is (a) pre-Mamta & (b) post-Mamta, you are again wrong !
All these events though historical in nature are nothing to as compared to the distinctive eras marked as (a) When Dada played cricket & (b) Post Dada's retirement from cricket !!
if I frame the last as when (b) When Dada doesn't play cricket any more, the distinction between (a) & (b) to some of the audience becomes blur, so we will stick to the original version ;)
Well this is important to know because one must remember IPL success is all because of following:
Dada building Indian 'team' (Accepted) -> Indian team shaping up nicely -> BCCI getting stronger & richer because Indian team is stronger -> BCCI recruits 'talented' ppl like Lalit Modi -> Lalit Modi brain-storming entrepreneurial ideas like 'IPL' -> IPL being a hit because the first match had 'Dada' in it & so on !
Well, there are many other theories explaining various other phenomena but I am afraid I am not aware of them all !
(5) Maoists - They are so nice people
Well what should I say, the time was perfect, the place .... every thing was so much in place for making it happen ! I was touring rural Bengal for my project and the heat ... political heat was making my journey much interesting. At a particular checkpost, I was stopped by a supposedly CRPF personnel giving me a friendly advice
Guard 1: Sahab aap area me nahi jaa sakte. Andar Maoists ka prachaar chal raha hai !"
Me to the person accompanying me (P): Achha, theek hai .... wapas laut jaate hai
P to guards: something in bengali ... (plzz jaane do)
Guard 1 to me: Sahab , ye bol raha hai ... Maoists achhe log hain, tourist ko pareshan nahi karenge .... Dekh lee jiye ek baar kya hota hai to
Guard 2 to me: Theek hai sahab, andar jaa to rahe ho ... lekin wapas aane ki guarantee hum nahi dete.
Wowww ..... I think that I had never listened to any such cold blooded advice in my life ! Man - what was that !! A mixture of adrenaline, blood ... every damn liquid you name it yaar, was making its presence felt inside my body. I was experiencing the meaning of a "trauma" or something similar to it ! I realized that why people make use of the saying "Jaan hai to jahan hai !"
6. Bong Gals
Here comes the most interesting part of it :) & I am really wordless about as to what to write about this so wonderful species ! But if you after much thought process decide to go after them, then a small list of their characteristics:
(a) Never trust a bong babe when she asks you for a coffee & tells you that Barista is at walking distance. I know it is hard to overcome the temptation and fall a prey to it just as I did, but after getting to know that .... 8-9 kms is acceptable within the definition of 'a walking distance' for them, one needs to be decisive
(b) Never tell a bong babe about your single status. Even though if you are single (like I was & still am :P ), pretend to be committed or like you broke up recently. Trust me if you tell them if you are single, your 'bhaaw' comes down from 'dude' to 'bro' :)
(c) If you receive a call @ 3 A.M in the morning following a "high" party which ended by 1 A.M & the sweet voice across asks you ... "Were you sleeping, dude? " ... you have to be creative to come up with an interesting answer each time ... like I was watching FRIENDS .... and then you get a "same pinch" & then .... " just called to check out if you are ok ... chalo bye .. I m sleepy now .. sweet dreams ! " .. Well yes, surely sweet dreams :)
(d) Never argue with them about the galz from Mumbai or Delhi. No, never !!
Where: Barsita, Park Street
Who: Me and a friend (F)
Me (sipping coffee and looking at an idiot sitting on other table with a gal who as usual was way way above his match): Some guys are really damn lucky yaar !
F (on a hell complete different tone): Kaustubh .. Today I had a haircut ... I am perfectly looking like Preity Zinta of Lakshya now
(Delivery of this dialogue resulted in the champu boy sitting on the next table turning back at us to verify what my friend said is true or not ... At the same time his girl friend also checks out my friend's hair style. I take this opportunity to make my presence felt & reciprocate her with a smile)
Me: Arre, I meant why I am not lucky with girls? ( I hope this was mild flirting :) )
F: (Slowly getting back after a sip of coffee) Oh, that's because we sometimes choose the stupid ones of your breed. This is the cruel truth buddy .. but why you are worrying? You have a decent gf naa?
Me: (Somehow pretending what she has said is absolutely true, with a gulp in throat) I broke up with her day before yday only (Woww ... I don't believe I can do so good acting :P )
F: Ohh I am sorry. But what was the reason? You both were so going good ! Yaar leave it I know these Mumbai & North Indian galz .... these idiots cry for getting someone just like Ranbir and Shahid ... but what is the reality? They settle for champus like the ones sitting on the front table in real life. I am damn sure the babe sitting along with him must be from Mumbai or Delhi
(Delivery of this dialogue again resulted in the champu boy sitting on the next table turning back at us ... not sure if my friend was audible or not but it gave me another chance of passing a smile at his gf ... man I was loving it ... sorry her :P )
Me: Come on, you bongs are also like that !
F: No, it is not our fault. See I will explain you the problem. Yaha pe ... even an avg gal looks very beautiful (I agree) but same is not the case with your breed naaah ... banda waise hi dikhta hai .... champu ! So the chance of a champu getting accompanied by a good looking gal increases because of this ... you understand now?
Me: Yes, I guess so
F: The root of the problem is that an avg bengali gal is more beautiful than an avg Mumbai/Delhi gal. Don't you realize that?
Me: (Do I have an option ?) YES MADAM ! I do ;)
F: BTW, tell me honestly one thing !
Me: (Anticipating this is 'THE' moment ... comeon baby ask me if I like you or not ) What?
F: Promise me you will give me honest answer !
Me: (Patience tester) Arre definitely baba, ask me !
F: Aren't I really looking like Preity Zinta today?
Me: (wtf !) yes dear, Preity Zinta indeed looks like you ! (Poor me)
(Chapter Closed !)
4. Bengal History
How can one forget the history learnt or forced to learn in one's school ! If you remember something of it, you will agree with me that the word 'Bengal' plays a very crucial role in it.
Now lets test your knowledge - what are the two distinctive eras as far as history of Bengal is concerned?
If your answer is (a) pre-renaissance & (b) post-renaissance, you are wrong !
If your answer is (a) pre-independence & (b) post-independence, you are wrong !
If your answer is (a) pre-Naxal-Bari & (b) post-Naxal-Bari, you are wrong !
Lastly if your answer is (a) pre-Mamta & (b) post-Mamta, you are again wrong !
All these events though historical in nature are nothing to as compared to the distinctive eras marked as (a) When Dada played cricket & (b) Post Dada's retirement from cricket !!
if I frame the last as when (b) When Dada doesn't play cricket any more, the distinction between (a) & (b) to some of the audience becomes blur, so we will stick to the original version ;)
Well this is important to know because one must remember IPL success is all because of following:
Dada building Indian 'team' (Accepted) -> Indian team shaping up nicely -> BCCI getting stronger & richer because Indian team is stronger -> BCCI recruits 'talented' ppl like Lalit Modi -> Lalit Modi brain-storming entrepreneurial ideas like 'IPL' -> IPL being a hit because the first match had 'Dada' in it & so on !
Well, there are many other theories explaining various other phenomena but I am afraid I am not aware of them all !
(5) Maoists - They are so nice people
Well what should I say, the time was perfect, the place .... every thing was so much in place for making it happen ! I was touring rural Bengal for my project and the heat ... political heat was making my journey much interesting. At a particular checkpost, I was stopped by a supposedly CRPF personnel giving me a friendly advice
Guard 1: Sahab aap area me nahi jaa sakte. Andar Maoists ka prachaar chal raha hai !"
Me to the person accompanying me (P): Achha, theek hai .... wapas laut jaate hai
P to guards: something in bengali ... (plzz jaane do)
Guard 1 to me: Sahab , ye bol raha hai ... Maoists achhe log hain, tourist ko pareshan nahi karenge .... Dekh lee jiye ek baar kya hota hai to
Guard 2 to me: Theek hai sahab, andar jaa to rahe ho ... lekin wapas aane ki guarantee hum nahi dete.
Wowww ..... I think that I had never listened to any such cold blooded advice in my life ! Man - what was that !! A mixture of adrenaline, blood ... every damn liquid you name it yaar, was making its presence felt inside my body. I was experiencing the meaning of a "trauma" or something similar to it ! I realized that why people make use of the saying "Jaan hai to jahan hai !"
6. Bong Gals
Here comes the most interesting part of it :) & I am really wordless about as to what to write about this so wonderful species ! But if you after much thought process decide to go after them, then a small list of their characteristics:
(a) Never trust a bong babe when she asks you for a coffee & tells you that Barista is at walking distance. I know it is hard to overcome the temptation and fall a prey to it just as I did, but after getting to know that .... 8-9 kms is acceptable within the definition of 'a walking distance' for them, one needs to be decisive
(b) Never tell a bong babe about your single status. Even though if you are single (like I was & still am :P ), pretend to be committed or like you broke up recently. Trust me if you tell them if you are single, your 'bhaaw' comes down from 'dude' to 'bro' :)
(c) If you receive a call @ 3 A.M in the morning following a "high" party which ended by 1 A.M & the sweet voice across asks you ... "Were you sleeping, dude? " ... you have to be creative to come up with an interesting answer each time ... like I was watching FRIENDS .... and then you get a "same pinch" & then .... " just called to check out if you are ok ... chalo bye .. I m sleepy now .. sweet dreams ! " .. Well yes, surely sweet dreams :)
(d) Never argue with them about the galz from Mumbai or Delhi. No, never !!
Where: Barsita, Park Street
Who: Me and a friend (F)
Me (sipping coffee and looking at an idiot sitting on other table with a gal who as usual was way way above his match): Some guys are really damn lucky yaar !
F (on a hell complete different tone): Kaustubh .. Today I had a haircut ... I am perfectly looking like Preity Zinta of Lakshya now
(Delivery of this dialogue resulted in the champu boy sitting on the next table turning back at us to verify what my friend said is true or not ... At the same time his girl friend also checks out my friend's hair style. I take this opportunity to make my presence felt & reciprocate her with a smile)
Me: Arre, I meant why I am not lucky with girls? ( I hope this was mild flirting :) )
F: (Slowly getting back after a sip of coffee) Oh, that's because we sometimes choose the stupid ones of your breed. This is the cruel truth buddy .. but why you are worrying? You have a decent gf naa?
Me: (Somehow pretending what she has said is absolutely true, with a gulp in throat) I broke up with her day before yday only (Woww ... I don't believe I can do so good acting :P )
F: Ohh I am sorry. But what was the reason? You both were so going good ! Yaar leave it I know these Mumbai & North Indian galz .... these idiots cry for getting someone just like Ranbir and Shahid ... but what is the reality? They settle for champus like the ones sitting on the front table in real life. I am damn sure the babe sitting along with him must be from Mumbai or Delhi
(Delivery of this dialogue again resulted in the champu boy sitting on the next table turning back at us ... not sure if my friend was audible or not but it gave me another chance of passing a smile at his gf ... man I was loving it ... sorry her :P )
Me: Come on, you bongs are also like that !
F: No, it is not our fault. See I will explain you the problem. Yaha pe ... even an avg gal looks very beautiful (I agree) but same is not the case with your breed naaah ... banda waise hi dikhta hai .... champu ! So the chance of a champu getting accompanied by a good looking gal increases because of this ... you understand now?
Me: Yes, I guess so
F: The root of the problem is that an avg bengali gal is more beautiful than an avg Mumbai/Delhi gal. Don't you realize that?
Me: (Do I have an option ?) YES MADAM ! I do ;)
F: BTW, tell me honestly one thing !
Me: (Anticipating this is 'THE' moment ... comeon baby ask me if I like you or not ) What?
F: Promise me you will give me honest answer !
Me: (Patience tester) Arre definitely baba, ask me !
F: Aren't I really looking like Preity Zinta today?
Me: (wtf !) yes dear, Preity Zinta indeed looks like you ! (Poor me)
(Chapter Closed !)
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