Sab Bhalo ! (Part 1)

Hello friends! Nice to see you back after a long time! It feels nice to be back here. This period made me feel like a transformed individual, I must admit (or else what is the use of bluff used in MBA).

Well, what is going to follow is a small anecdote of my stay in City of Joy ! This is where I have been doing my summers - Kolkata ! But there are many startling things which have literally made my journey to this part of world ... damn memorable ! Here it goes ...

1. Are you a Bengali?

The very first and very important point for you (if you don't hail from Kolkata) is to make pretty sure that

(a) your name doesn't sound bengali. If it does, you are anyways finished, so no point pondering why I am telling this.
(b) you don't look like a bengali from your face. This can be easily confirmed from any of your bong friends. (Don't under-estimate this step)
(c) if you are combination of (a) & (b) - you are most welcome to my league :)

2. Hotels & Restaurants

There are certain interesting features of restaurants in Kolkata & specially rural side (Yes, I was fortunate enough to explore rural Bengal too !)

(a) It's all FISHY : Absolutely heaven for fish lovers. You can be very fortunate to find fish pieces in dal-rice (only vegetarian option sometimes) absolutely free of cost!

(b) If you are a strict vegetarian, then you have two options with you - (1) never reveal that to the outside world & get embarrassed .... you will start feeling guilty. (2) second option is straight forward - I will not mention it over here :)

(c) You should not even think of entering a seedha-saadha restaurant during lunch hour - you will find them all closed (All high profile restaurants are excluded in this observation). Because if you dare to do so, then you have forgotten one important norm: in noon time, it is lunch time for everyone ... including the restaurant folks and a nap is absolutely essential after having a lunch ! So sorry boss, we can't serve you !

3. Taxis

If you have/had a girlfriend, the behavior of taxi wallas in Kolkata is pretty much logical. If not, you better start searching for a bong gf over here (will speak about this in a special section)

Well, no deviation from the topic, I quote an experience over here:

Scene : Place-Ballygunje Phari, Time - 1 PM, Reason - Catch a Movie at 3.30 PM in INOX mall on Elgin Road, Distance/Time estimate - hardly 15 mins, Temperature/ Weather
update - Rained in the afternoon, was a pleasant noon, monsoon department predicts more showers & 3 taxis standing in row

Me to Taxi 1: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 1: (Getting up from sleep) - Nahi
Me: Kyu kya hua dada ... yahi pass to hain naa
Taxi 1: Paas hain to paidal kyu nahi chale jaate
Me: (Without a look of astonishment): Dada baarish hui hai naa ... paani me chalke nahi jaa sakte
Taxi 1: Paani me taxi bhi nahi chal sakta .... then some bangla dialogues ... and the gentleman finally goes back to sleep

Me to Taxi 2: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 2: Abhi nahi jaa sakta
Me: (I really didn't get the meaning of his 'abhi'. Whatever ... I continue my struggle) Arre chalo na dada ... return me sawari bhi mil jaegi aapko mall se
Taxi 2: looks at his 18th century watch & says ... dekho dada abhi hum khana khaya hai aur ab sona hai ... abhi nahi jaa sakta ... tum dusro taxi dekho

Me to Taxi 3: 'Dada' Elgin Road chaloge?
Taxi 3: Elgin Road kaha pe hai?
Me: Aapko Ravindrasadan Mtro station pata hai naa?
Taxi 3: Nahi, aapko metro station jaana hai kya?
Me: Nahi, Forum Mall
Taxi 3: aapko rasta pata hai kya?
Me: (Getting excited) haan haan ... main dikha dunga
Taxi 3: Hhhmm ... (thinks for a while) ... nahi dada .... nahi jaa sakta
Me: kyu?
Taxi 3: Door hai bahot
Me: Lekin abhi to aap bole aapko pata nahi
Taxi 3: (No words spoken, just a nod indicating .... fuck u off)

So well, the experience still continues :)

(Next part - here - with special focus on bong babes & some special people called Maoists ... so keep watching this space)